MPKU Journey!, That's my PKU life

Deleted post from 2 years ago.

I found this deleted post in my archives from over 2 years ago that was never published. so im deciding to publish it now. I believe it is from a guest blog post i wrote for a friends blog.

 

 

30 years ago in 1986 I was born with a genetic metabolic disease called Phenylketonuria , also known as PKU. PKU is when someone like me, is born with out the enzyme that converts one of the amino acids in protein called phenylaline into tyrsoine . Because I dont have this enzyme, phenylalaine accumulates in my blood and is toxic to my body and brain. When the level of PHE ( phenylaline) is to high in my blood, it causes serious side effects and risk of brain damage or mental disabilities  PKU is diagnosed through new born screening at birth. It is a simple heal poke blood test. All babies in north american are screened for at 24 hours old. Results take 2 weeks to come back, if you are positive, you are to start life long treatment to protect your brain and body. IF you are not diagnosed or it is missed, by 6 months old most babies are completely handicapped.  However, when diagnosed, babies who are treated can grow up happy and healthy like me! Treatment consists of a very restricted low protein phenylaline free diet . Which is mostly fruits and vegetables and medical food s that dont contain protein or PHE . As well as a special medical drink called formula that is full of good amino acids, vitamins and minerals and protein with out PHE . There is also one pharmaceutical drug that has shown to help different levels of PKU .  Also we monitor our blood levels of phe very regularly and we have a number range we must stick in to avoid side effects. This range is 2-6 mg/dl . My levels have always been on the higher side of 8 to 11 mg/dl because I am flexible with my diet and dont always eat things i should and eat more of things i should not.

Our treatment of Diet for life – that consists of the medical foods and formula fruits and vegetables is very restricted. We have to weigh and measure every single thing we eat. We need to weigh it to the gram and then count how much Phenylaline is in the food, down to the gram. AT the end of the day, we need to meet a daily tolerance. If we are over or under it can have side effects.  to high and it causes impairments , neurological and behavioral and sometimes physical. It can cause mood swings, depression, anxiety, trouble focusing, retaining information, concentrating, and can cause you to loose IQ points. You can also experiance tremors and headaches , this is just a few of the possible side-effects. TO low and you can become catabolic and your body starts to break down its own protein, which also can release phe into the blood and effect your brain.

PKU treatment and lifestyles have changed so much and come so far since I was born. Up until I was 18, I was told I would never have a baby. Because my PKU would make my uterus toxic and cause serious side effects to my unborn baby and myself. That my baby could be born deformed or handicap or die.

When I was 18 and luckily for me, medical advice changed, and we now knew  that it was possible for women with pku to have a normal happy healthy baby. If she worked very hard and followed a even more restricted diet, and was closely monitored . This was called the maternal pku diet. it was recommended that if a women with pku wanted to have a baby she had to follow a preconception diet and treatment plan for 3 months before getting pregnant to lower the risk and toxicity to the fetus.

This was the news I had always secretly hoped to hear, as my deepest more secret dream was one day to be a mother myself. Even with this news, i still didn’t fully believe because I didn’t have all the tools i needed to be sucessful at the maternal pku lifestyle available to me , and I didn’t have the confidence in my ability to comply.

In 2014  thanks to Health minister Terry Lake and myself and a team of PKU advocates was able to get funding for our medical foods and this helped with me being able to be more complaint with my special diet and get my body healthy so one day i could realize my dreams.

In may 2016 i went off birth control to ready my body to one day have a baby.  over 10 years on birth control i expected that it would take my husband and i a while to conceive and thought we would have fertility issues. low and be hold i got pregnant June 1st. i did not find out until June 17th 2016. I was not on the pre conception diet yet so i was terrified.  My phe levels ( the level of phe in my blood)  where not in the safe range. My level was 11 mg /dl when I first found out we where expecting.

I called my special PKU clinic in Vancouver for help. My medical team who monitors and treats my PKU is located in Vancouver and is the only clinic to treat pku in adults. It consist of 2 dietitians who support me and guide me with my diet and treatment plan and my blood levels. a nurse, and a specialist doctor. The first thing I needed to do, was get my blood levels down to safe range. I did a home blood test immediately. i take my blood from my finger and place it on a card and courier it to the newborn screening laboratory in Vancouver where they read the results. Because pku is so rare, we dont have a home testing device like diabetics do.

The best way to get levels under control is to reign in my diet control. TO eat right and measure and weigh my food and track my phe intake. i need to be very careful about what i was putting in my body now. I started getting back on track and doing regular blood tests. While pregnant I did blood tests 3 times s week and drove them to our local hospital so they could send them to Vancouver and i got the results back quickly enough that if there was a issue or to high we could correct it before damage was done to my baby.

I was followed by an OBGYN and a midwife. I had specialized ultrasounds to check for deformities and issues with baby’s heart and brain. Because I did to amazing on my diet and controlled my levels, my baby never had any side effects from bad pku levels.

 

Had i not gotten my levels down before organgenisis  started in the fetus they baby would have been deformed, had a very small head, been mentally handicapped or still born.

so having PKU myself, I needed to catch my pregnancy and my diet before baby was 6 weeks along. I got my levels down 3 days after the first positive pregnancy test. I was 4 weeks along. I kept my levels in the safe range for my whole pregnancy.

I was also followed by a maternal fetal specialist in Vancouver at the high risk pregnancy clinic and that is where i had most of my ultrasounds and fetal echo done. we even saw our baby in 3D though we asked not to know the gender.  A pku pregnancy is medically considered high risk , even though I was doing so well.

A very interesting phenomeon occurs in maternal pku in the second trimester. Once the baby is able to eat and break down protein in its liver, if it has the enzyme i am missing it takes my protein and breaks down the phe and takes it out of my blood. So My levels get even lower , to keep my levels in range, i get to increase my tolerance of what i am able to eat. So while I was pregnant, for the fist time in my life, I got to try new foods that i have never eaten before with out worrying about the protein hurting me.  My regular daily tolerance is 7 grams of protein from food, and 90 grams from my medical formal that doe snot have PHE.  By the end of my pregnancy, i wa sable to eat 40 grams if protein from food!  However since as soon as my baby was born, i would have to give up all these new foods I was very careful about what i introduced so I wouldn’t miss anything or struggle after my baby was born. So i added things like rice, potatoes, oatmeal, chow mein noodles, bread, beans , ice cream , and cookies! I did not want to eat things like meat and dairy and sea food that i would need to stop eating as soon as baby was born. I found it challenging to eat this much protein , where many would be so excited i was anxious and apprehensive about these new foods and protein that i had spent my whole life avoiding because they are dangerous to me. i found i really did not like a lot of the tastes and textures.

At 33 weeks my obgyn was so impressed with my progress that My midwife was given the go ahead to deliver my baby when he or she was ready to be born .  My baby was born 10 days over due.  A happy healthy baby girl who weighed 6 lbs 11 oz, the same as her mommy did.  My dreams had finally come true. As i had always dreampt of a baby girl. In all my dreams i saw a brunette baby girl with her mommies curly hair and her daddy’s smile. I saw this little girl bouncing on his shoulders while walking along the beach. She was and is everything i have ever drempt about. I am so happy and blessed to have experienced a healthy pregnancy and have such a beautiful intimate birth. Then to have my perfect baby girl too. My world feels so complete. she is healthy. I worked so hard to ensure that. Her brain developed normally and she is growing and thriving and now is almost a year old. She is walking and talking and actually doctors say she is advance for her age and size.

 

Since giving birth and coming back to my regular diet and back down to my normal intake I have struggled. I am having post partum anxiety ( not depression) I get panic attacks and I have not been eating well or weighing and tracking my intake anymore. Life has been so busy. I dont always find time to manage my diet or weigh and measure and prepare my meals.  I am so hungry and eating over my recommended tolerance. I have recently learnt that the first year for a mom with pku is very hard to adjust back. I though to would be so easy since i did so amazing while pregnant.  My diet lacks in nutrition and whole protein and is high in carbs and starches and sugars so I struggle with my weight and eating healthy and staying full.  I thought my daughter would give me the intensive to stick to my restricted diet so i can be my best for her, but i have defiantly had my ups and downs.  My levels after birth took a while to come down, and where high for the first few weeks, then they dropped and then went back up again. They have been mostly around 11 or 12 . Finally this month I was able to get at 7.5 so a bit closer to range. I try everyday to do better. At least I enjoy my special medical formula and drink it everyday. I find it hard to do my meal preps and baking of my special foods so when i am hungry i have something pku friendly to grab and i end up making bad choices and eating something quick , like minute rice.  I am working with my clinic again to get back on track and maybe loose some weight so i can be active with my daughter and family and lead by example for her. I dont ever want her to struggle with food or weight or activity like I have. Most days I am cooking 3 different meals for my family, as my daughter has a milk protein allergy and my husband has no allergies and them my PKU . Since my baby girl has started solids and we do baby lead weaning i have noticed a huge learning curve for me about regular foods and diet needed to keep her healthy. I dont look forward to the day i have to explain my pku to her and why mommy cant share her foods when she tries to share with me. I sometimes wish I could eat the same healthy foods as her.  luckily she is not a picky eater like her mommy.  She is a great eater and does not have pku like me.

I tell myself everyday is a new day, and another chance to do better and try harder and fix what i didn’t due yesterday. Today I have already had my formula and some low protein bread i baked from scratch while she had her toast.

I look forward to watching her grow, helping her thrive and finding new ways to teach her and challenge her. She has taught me so much already and filled my life with so much joy and happiness. I am so in awe of this little person  , and that i was able to grow her and nourish her and give her the best start to life I could.

I will be forever grateful for advancements in treatment for pku. But PKU is still not well known so i hope this opportunity to educate others on pku will be well received and that maybe now one more person knows about pku, they can share it with someone the to. The more we know , the more we can research and evolved pku care and thus improve quality of live for pku people like,

 

to learn more about pku or to read my journey in maternal pku and to motherhood please visit my blog about living with pku. Follow the tab called my maternal pku journey to read more about my pregnancy.

 

thank you for taking the time to read this post.

 

Amanda Cosburn and Baby Madelyn.

 

 

 

 

Managing the diet, That's my PKU life

Back to routine

Well the summer is over, school is back in and even though M is not school age , I opened my in home licensed family daycare when school started. We currently have 5 kids registered and most of them are before and after school care students. Our days are filled with arts and crafts , out door play and getting back into routine.

We went down to Victoria for the Labour day long weekend. To visit my family and I really noticed how badly i was suffering from high levels and anxiety. I really let myself go over the summer. Eating a lot of rice, not eating any low protein foods, not counting or measuring .  I got so out of control I was forgetting so much.  I was forgetting to take my medications and even if i had drank all my formula. Most days i was not getting my formula in. I felt myself drowning. I knew I had been spiraling for a while but just didn’t have the motivation to stop myself. I couldn’t think clearly. I did not realize how badly it was impairing me. I couldn’t even problem solve or think clearly. I remember I wouldn’t be able to finish thoughts or think of foods to eat, meal ideas. I was lost.

I made it my goal as soon as we got back from our trip to buckle down and rein it in.  Now that we are half way though the month we are working out a routine, getting onto a schedule and i am making progress.

We wake up at 7 am. Kids start arriving at 730 am. I make Madelyn’s breakfast and clean up from the night before , or the kids and I all do cosmic kids yoga. at 815 we walk the kids across the street to school and we come back and I make and eat my breakfast. Then Madelyn and I have our time together.   I make her lunch at 1130 and she naps at noon till 2 15 pm. I eat while she naps. At 230 pm we pick the kids back up. we stay outside for 30 mins, come back for afternoon snacks. I have been starting to eat a snack to. I found that i was skipping lunch a lot and we dont eat dinner till 630/ 7 pm so im going all day or from noon till 6 or 7 before eating again. Also by having an afternoon snack it reminds me to get that extra formula in.

After snack we go down to the playroom for arts and crafts and free play.  The kids go home and we close at 5 pm.  I come up stairs and do paper work and sit down for a bit then start dinner.

Madelyn goes to bed between 8pm and 830 pm.

Having a schedule has really helped plan my day , meals and activities around.  I have been doing pretty good at eating only low protein foods for breakfast and lunch but i still struggle with dinner and end up having rice a few times a week but no longer every single day.  When I say i am eating rice, i mean like 2 cups dry of white minute rice. So very very high in PHE so please dont do it. If you never eaten it dont start and if you are please stop. It is my Achilles heel. My biggest weakness when it comes to food.  essentially i am addicted.

It has been about 2 weeks since i started to eat better and now im adding back more fruits and veggies . I am really feeling a difference .  A few weeks ago i was stuck on what to eat, what to make, different meals and found myself eating the same thing time after time. Now im like hey wait a minute! There are alot of options. I can list off a few new meal ideas or plans. I have been writing myself notes, and lists. My time management is improving.  Ive gotten out few times and am starting to plan ahead . I got myself an agenda and a note pad and set it all up with reminders and important dates etc. I have set myself up a financial budget so i’m making goals and working towards them.  I have more energy and am contemplating adding a yoga routine into my day.

Now if only I could get some sleep id feel like a new person!

The fog is lifting and i am finding myself encouraged. I have made some new low protein foods orders and updated my formula prescription. Over the summer I added the Orange and berry periflex Lq to my formula regime. but i struggled with it as i needed alot more and it was one of them i was forgetting. I was suppose to have 3 a day plus 2 bettermilk. Before I was having 2 bettermilk in the am and 2 in the afternoon.  So now I was having so much extra. I think i might change it back. I enjoy the taste of the bettermilk better. Ijust liked the convenience of the juice boxes and being able to through them in the diaper bag when we were on the go or at the park and traveling.  I have to pack so much with me when i am just drinking bettermik. I need the packages, water, mio for flavoring and a straw. Plus a shaker bottle! It really adds up and takes up alot of room. I wish i could like the ready made bettermilk in the juice boxes but i just do not. I like my method for mixing it so much better.  Now that my daycare is open and we are back to school routine im not going out as much so i might just switch back.

I plan on following up with my dietitians  next week when i do another blood dot. my last one was august 1st and it was 10 mg/dl  I expect that it was alot higher through out the rest of the month.  I really feel my best at 8 mg/dl and under.  I hope I can get their again.

I would love to hear from you on your favorite meal ideas. If you feel like sharing with me please pm me on fb or email me!

thanks for reading

Amanda

 

Photos from Left to right :

1: Today’s lunch. Cambrooke foods low protein homestyle bread, earth island vegan cheddar cheese grilled cheese sandwich, carrots and celery with ranch dressing.

2:  my family and I picked all our pears from our pair tree last weekend. It was our best year yet for pears. I finally canned what we had left yesterday and ended up with 12 pints of pears and one jar of spiced apple pear sauce

3: Today’s afternoon snack. Granny smith apple and a cambrooke foods pumpkin raisin cookie and my formula.

 

 

Managing the diet, That's my PKU life

August 2018

It has been so long since my last post, I really cant remember now what it was about or when it was with out looking.  Time with a toddler really flies. Days blur into week and weeks into months etc etc and i’m left standing already trying to remember what happen last. mi

Already summer vacation is over in less then 2 weeks and I am asking where did it go? How is it almost September? Summer was dominated by setting up my new daycare business and getting ready for my grand opening September 4th when school goes back in.

We havent really done anything fun yet.

I took the summer off from child care to try to work on my fitness and get my levels down. However here it is with august coming to a close and my levels are still very high and I have not lost any weight.  No pun intended, but it is weighing on  me heavily.

I am really struggling this summer to eat properly. My levels are being so effected that I am having a hard time remembering even to take my medications properly.  The last blood spot I did on August 1st is still sitting on my counter to be mailed in. I think I am probably sitting in the high teens. I have been around 11 to 13 mm/dl for months.

I recently changed my formula this summer to try to make things easier but now that it has increased the amount of servings I need to have , I am constantly forgetting one serving.  I am now suppose to be drinking 4 Loflex LQ Berry and Orange and 2 bettermilk. I have been having the LQ at breakfast and lunch, then 2 bettemilk at dinner.  I am suppose to have one more LQ at an afternoon snack and that is the one I have been forgetting.

In June I was attempting to do the beachbody on demand home work out program 21 day fix. I was also riding my bike and going for walks. I made it 18  days then I fell and hit my head and had a concussion so I had to stop for 2 weeks and ever since its been hard to find the motivation again. I am really low on energy , motivation, self esteem and confidence these days. My anxiety has also been hampering things a fair bit to.

I have been depression free since 2015 but I now know I did have some post partum anxiety when madelyn was 7 months old and it took me almost 8 months to get help for that.

I am managing day by day. My motto is one day at a time. Every day is a fresh start to do better and do what you didnt do the day before.  I really should amend that and make it one meal at a time, or hour by hour. As I always go to bed with a plan to do better tomorrow. I wake up feeling like ” Ok here we go new day!” I have a good breakfast, but then the day gets away from me. Im tired by noon, I skip lunch or eat a high lunch. I miss my work out and then by dinner im to hungry to think or to sit down and figure out my PHE and meal plan. So I wing it and make a fast dinner of rice.

Really i know what I need to do, I should  : Wake up ,  drink some water, make mads and my  breakfast, drink my formula, clean the kitchen, then do a home work out or go for a walk or bike ride, then come home and do my meal plan for the day on how much phe and stick to it. I really need to stop napping during the day to or watching TV.

Oh the if, ands, buts, shoulda , coulda wouldas!

What do you do to manage the day to day of your PKU? Have you developed any tips or tricks that help you stay on track. If and when you fall off track what do you find helps bring you back?

I want to hear from you. Post a comment below or visit my new facebook page and leave a comment on there.

 

That's my PKU life

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017.

Post originally written Dec 31st 2016 at 830pm

As I sit here surrounded by my little family , my baby an fur babies and the love of my life , in the home we have made …i reflect on one hell of a year.

2016 was one of the best of my life. Certainlly the most memorable. Many are looking back and seeing so much negative I can’t help but feel truly blessed. Filled with love and life. Of happiness , of gratitude and good health. All the things I wish for everyone this year and next and all the years ahead of us.

I reflect this new years eve as 2017 approaches and count my many blessings.

This year brought me my daughter. All my dreams came true the moment I saw her for the first time. I created life , carried and nurtured it. Something I never thought I’d do. I started this year pregnant and feeling my precious baby roll and kick and grow strong and healthy. Then had an beautiful birth experience . Intimate and supported by life partner cole and our wonderful team.

From that moment life changed and we entered into parenthood. Navigating a whole new world.

2016 has been filled with new milestones and so many firsts. From first cuddles , first feedings , first smiles , first roll over , first words, first crawl , first sitting up, first foods , first steps , first holidays and road trips , first Halloween an Christmas. I sit here now with a walking and talking almost 10 month old perfectly healthy beautiful baby girl.

This year was spent navigating and learning about each other. Finding out what kind of parents we are , what works and what dosent. Facing challenges together like struggling with breatfeeding . To accepting change and plans not always working out , learning to adapt as you go. To doing things you never thought you would but knowing they work best for us like Co sleeping and bed sharing.

Knowing what works for some dosent work for all. Every baby is different and so is each parent. Finding our own style and learning about who we are as a family. standing tall when others don’t agree. Standing up for our beliefs . Supporting and giving support. To building our village. Being a part of a community.

We made many new friends and lost a few along the way.

We celebrated birthdays my 30th and our 11 year anniversary. We welcome new additions to our friends families and our own with the birth of our baby nephew.

Cole broke his leg shortly after Madelyns birth and it was a long recovery.

I started my new silicone teething accessories business in September .

Now as one year ends and another begins , my maternity benifits end in a few short days even though I’m not expected back to work till march and I’m confident in my decision to not return at all. I renewed my practical nursing license as non practicing so I can stay home with madelyn as well as start my own day care. I firmly believe these early years are so crucial and I need to be here. I look foward to this new adventure and many others in 2017.

I look foward to growing and learning more about myself as a person and a mother. To learning more about madelyn and teaching her and experiencing life with her and cole.

I look foward to new chapters in life , new adventures , experiences , continuing relationships and exploring new oppertunities as they present themselves.

So as I sit here with my family snuggled up watching a movie waiting to ring in the new year I wish you all a blesseded happy new year and may 2017 be everything you deserve.

I’ll be cuddled in bed sound asleep by midnight as babies don’t wait for midnight and still wake up at 5 am. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Good night and goodbye to 2016♡

 

 

Managing the diet, That's my PKU life

Kids today.

Though I am very happy to see how far treatment and quality of life for PKU has improved over the years , even just in my short 30 years  .

Then there is another part of me is jealous of PKU Kids today.  So much is geared to ward todays children.  Parents are much more involved and advocating to make sure they do not miss out and lead a normal life and have a good relationship with food and a healthy life style.

There is a much greater sense of community , thanks to social media. There are more resources for support and families are connecting more.

I did not meet anyone else with PKU until I was 13.

Today youth can log onto fb and look for recipes, share meal ideas and photos, take part in discussions, ask questions, seek advice and connect with people there age. Parents and caregivers can join groups and have the same resources available to them.

There has been advancements with tools for tracking diet like How much phe and apps.

Families are coming together to socialize and hosting events.

Even the foods have improved.  We have so many more choices and imitations of regular foods that kids dont have to feel left out eating anything different from there family and peers.

You want a cheeseburger like the rest of your friends? Here is a camburger and dayia cheese? Want to roast hotdogs while camping with family? Here are brooklyn dogs? Pizza? icecream? pancakes and waffles? bagels and pasta?

Lets not forget the formula? Chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, orange, tangerine, swirl, GMP protein. Powders, liquids, pre made mixes, bars, sachets, gels, shakes, puddings! Various brands and low protein companies. Variety ! Why not mix it up and have 2 different ones?

We have choice now!

Choices I did not have . Choices I missed out on. That I feel if I had of had from an early age I never would have cheated on my diet! I never would have hid my food from my peers, or thrown it in the garage when I got to school.  I may never have had levels above 12 . I would be saved from high level symptoms and hospitalizations.

Kids today dont need to face the battles I did. They wont feel different or left out.

So when I am at events and I hear parents lobbying to the government for more advancements such as kuvan so they have the quality of life they deserve , I stand in support but I also think.. What about the adults?

How do we achieve the quality of life we deserve when many of us have already learnt these bad habits, have a bad relationship with food? struggle with compliance?  when we are not use to some of the low protein foods because we didn’t have them so we developed a taste for ” regular foods” ? How do you make yourself eat the low protein rice that might as well be pasta made in the shapes of grains when you have the taste and experience of real rice?

Or what about the adults who have no aces to low protein foods, because they have either aged out of the government funding, or they have no private insurance?

My heart aches for the adults like me who ride the roller coaster of com pliancy. Who are stuck on the merry go round of high level symptoms or battle with side effects such as eating disorders or mental health issues developed by not staying on diet?

This is why I decided 8 years ago to dedicate my life and my voice to being an advocate for the adults. Sometimes its very frustrating being the only one up trying to get the attention we need.  In my experiance so many adults have shyed away from anything to do with the diet.  Its like pulling teeth to get them to part take in social events, come out to seminars, partake in the community.  Try new low protein foods and recipes and find there way back and value their health.

I see adults blame everything wrong in their life on their high levels from relationships to work and jobs and any failure and I get frustrated , and want to scream come to the events, get involved and be inspired and get back on diet.  It is so much easier now.

Or when a maternal PKU mom only returns to diet long enough to have her baby then goes right back off again because the temptation of a real cheese burger or meat is to alluring. She is not use to the textures and tastes of the imitation low protein options. Or insurance wont cover her now that shes had her baby. I fear for her and the impact that bad levels will be on her to parent.

My thoughts always go back to if only they had the opportunities kids today have.  If only we had all these options and choices as kids , we would be repping the benefits now. The next generations will learn from us and it will continue to improve.

Being born today with PKU is not a curse.  Today is a great time to have PKU and it will only get better.

In the mean time… how do we help the adults?  How can we bring them back on track? and improve their quality of life too?  I want to hear from you ! Please write me at my email or leave a comment to have your answer featured on a part 2 blog post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

facebook, News, Social Media, That's my PKU life

3 years today.

On this date 3 years ago tonight I was working  a night shift at my old job and decided to start this very blog. I never knew that it would do as well as it has done. I am so grateful and appreciative of it.

In honour of 3 years blogging about my life with PKU it is my hope to share my older posts on my fb fan page, to reintroduce them to all new members and to refresh for regulars.

Each day I will do my best to start from the beginning and share each post over again in order.  Please patient with me when I miss a day here and there.  Life is about to get busy for us!

I hope you will enjoy the look back and share any posts that you deem share worthy with others.

My blog goal in 2016 is to write more and to reach more people.

Help me reach this goal by continuing to read, comment , give feedback , ask questions and share!

 

 

MPKU Journey!, That's my PKU life

2015 in review.

Today is the official last day of 2015. As always a time to look back and reflect on the year. This year has been a tough one. Of love and loss. So many deaths, family , friends and even celebrities no longer with us. Highs and lows. Joy , pain and sadness. Acts of war , violence and terrorism, but also fetes of humanity’s strength and compassion were on full display.

Each one of our lives forever impacted by the events that occurred in 2015.

A year that brought myself much pain, also gave me new life. The child I carry with in myself, a product of cole and I .

Answered prayers, and hope for a bright 2016.

I buried family, cried with friends, made new friends, lost old friends. I felt loved and heartache. Happiness and sadness. Through it all I have held my head high and stood tall. I have had cole by my side and learnt who my true friends and family are. I am happy to be surrounded by love and support. I have found strength and courage , I have been tested and I have grown. I have found myself and I am comfortable with who I am finally. There is always room for improvement, but I am happy for every moment.

I finally went to therapy and completed cognitive behavioral therapy and still see a counselor regularly. I have focused on my body and my health and overcame challenges from within. I am medication free and healthy as I have ever been. I pushed myself and I rewarded myself. I made and achieved goals and I have fallen deeper in love with myself, Cole, my life , family and friends.
January-
Brought us visits from friends , the Wheeler family and my dear Claudia.

February-
We lost my beloved Uncle to cancer.

Cole was hit by a drunk drive and ended up with a broken hand for many months. He would not find out it was broken till march. He would remain off work  till August.

March –
Brought visits from family and spring gardening.

April –
Our friends Brandy and Trevor, had a baby girl.
I cut my hair and had bangs for the first time since my childhood.
A new look and style to go with making my first weight loss milestone.

May-
The Royal prince and princess had a baby girl.
I started a second job at pondersoa.
Copper turned one!
We traveled to Edmonton for a friends 30th birthday .
Cole celebrated his 31st , with a family camping trip to North Barrier lake.
I even tried kayaking for the very first time and loved it.
We celebrated another PKU day and event .
I met new PKU friends and organized our annual walk a thon.
It was also PKU awareness month.

June –
we came so close as to losing Copper when he ingested over the lethal dose of anti freeze but quick thinking and heroics of our vet ( plus vodka) saved his life.
I made my 10 lbs goal in weight loss by hiking daily with cole during his recovery from the accident. Healthy eating and being more active every day.
We attended graduations and celebrated new achievements.
Cole and I conceived our baby.
I discovered I was expecting on June 17th.
more visits from the Wheelers!
We traveled to Vancouver for PKU clinic and MPKU visits.
I celebrated my 29th birthday while battling with morning sickness.

July-
Brought our first glimpse at our little bean with the dating ultrasound.
We spent most of the month in Clinton where Cole built his parents a new deck.
We had a visit from Irish and her adorable girls.
Cole and I celebrated a huge life milestone – our 10 year anniversary.
Death visited us once again in loss of family and friends.  Hearts still ache at the rawness.

August –

Copper welcomed a new litter of brother and sisters.
another visit from our friends the wheelers.
We spent some time at the family cabin and in horse lake with coles grandparents.

September –
We had our friend Angie and her children visit us.
We traveled to Victoria for  a friends wedding and to officially announce my pregnancy!
We spent some quality time with close friends back home. Rushed but still time together.
I started a permanent line at Overlander
Felt my baby move for the first time.
We celebrated my father in law’s birthday at the ranch.

October –
We had a lunar eclipse
Coles mom and I went to the Jason Aldean concert
we traveled to Vancouver for our 20 week anatomy scan and saw our baby in 4d! . We also had our second trimester MPKU visit.
We visited with Claudia in Vancouver too.
Coles employee and his girlfriend moved into ur basement
we celebrated my mother in law’s birthday
and we had our annual Halloween bash!
I was injured 2 times at work and attacked by an aggressive resident.

I went on early medical leave before maternity leave.

November –
Brought weekly therapy for my injuries and nearly daily appts.

It was an emotionally charged month when they told us that our baby was to small. That there might be a problem. IT brought tears, fears, pain and confusion. Only to later learn on december 1st that it was all a mistake and baby was and is just fine . Growing well and healthy!

We traveled to vancouver on the last day of the month and stayed with our friend Claudia the night before our next appt. We had a lovely visit with her family and a lovely dinner.

December –

We rushed to vancouver on the first for an emergency ultrasound to check the growth of our baby. All turned out to be great. No concerns.

We visited our friends Lauren and Oliver and had a lovely lunch before heading home to kamloops.

We had visits with friends here and down closer to home.

we bought new fish
I tried new foods with my higher tolerance.
I ended up my sickest ever in the hospital with norwalk
we began to collect items to prepare for baby.
We celebrated christmas and reflected back on the past.
We are looking to the future.

2015 has been heavy with focused on foods , diet, phe , protein, calories PKU treatments, my health and the health of my baby. Each day is revolved around eating and what I put in my body. Each week is heavy with blood tests and changes to my care.  I have never in my adult life been so focused on my PKU as I am now.  Some may think it has taken the focus and joy out of experience a first pregnancy, but for me, it shows me I am doing my very best and everything in my power for the health of my unborn baby.

My days are consumed with planning meals, tracking food, weighing food, preparing food, eating, doing blood work, going to appts, and managing my health and the health of my baby.

For each day and month that has gone by, I have witnessed great change in myself and those around me. I have created life and nurtured it. Each day I feel my baby move and body grow. I look ahead to tomorrow and all of 2016 with great joy and happiness.

2015 will always be the year that brought me my child, but also the year that I looked in the mirror and finally recognized the person looking back at me. The person I was always meant to be me before events and my past wore me down.  Every day forward is another day and another opportunity to be my best self, to continue to grow and to recognize that self worth  , importance  , work and life is never done.  We never stop growing , learning and changing.

Where I have been robbed years battling myself, others, depression , anxiety and chronic pain, this was the year I took back my life.  I grieved and let go of the time lost and am moving forward focusing on the years I have gained. I expect great things as we enter this next chapter of our lives. I look forward to becoming a mother, and cole and to begin the journey as parents. 2016 is going to be the best year ever.

I wish you all nothing but the same!

From my family to yours,
Happy new year 2016. May it be filled with joy, wonder, excitement, happiness, good health , love, safety and may all your dreams come true!

Levels, Managing the diet, MPKU Journey!, That's my PKU life

Battle of the Blood Dots.

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Regularly a person with PKU has their blood phe levels tested once a month . When I was trying really hard to be on track with y diet and keep my levels below 10 I did them once a week. I felt it made me more accountable to staying on diet. I found when I did them once a month I was more liberal and would eat better for the 3 days leading up to my blood dot then i would the rest of the month. By doing them once a week it discouraged me from cheating or eating liberally. Though I was more more liberal before I got pregnant. I was still considered on diet as I drank all my formula, and had phe levels below 10. However I did not weigh or measure my intake and I did not keep a food log or track calories. Now that I am pregnant I am doing blood dot cards monday , wednesday, and fridays. I drive them up to the hospital for them to be couriered to Vancouver’s newborn screening laboratory at BC Children’s hospital. Results are ran ASAP thanks to the pink sticker on my cards that classifies me as a maternal PKU patient and then results are emailed to me. The turnaround is usually 3 days.

A post on one of my PKU facebook groups this morning prompted me to share a blog post dedicated to these blood draws.

Up until I as 13, my blood was checked at a Lifelabs office through a venous draw from my arm. When I was 13 my clinic switched to blood dots and an annual venous blood draw.

I was taught to take my blood at home from my finger. I was instructed to always fast before a blood draw as this gives a true blood levels and is a bit more elevated then it would be after eating. So a true representation un affected by eating.

I warm my hands before hand. I have found through trial and error that a full shower before hand does the trick. I buy my lancets from the pharmacy in bulk. When I was younger we had a pen that we placed these tiny lancets in now we have a trigger that is the whole thing in one. I prefer the Accu- chek lancets. They have a 3 depth setting. I usually only use the second which is the default. Here is a photo of my lancets:

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I poke my finger on the inner side of the pad facing me. I have circled the spot in this photo to help explain:

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I was taught to not touch the card with my finger but I sometimes do accidently and it has not effected my test. I was shown to “milk” my finger and gently push around the puncture and let the blood flow . It takes more then one drop to fill a circle. I will press on my finger till I fill the circle before moving onto the next one. Though my finger does not touch the paper, I do dab the drop of blood against the card to help it along. usually 2 or 3 drops will fill a circle nicely. If I don’t warm up my hands first , then I end up not getting enough blood and it dries up before i fill a circle and I have to re poke my finger. I usually alternate what fingers I use to help avoid calluses but I tend to use my index the finger the most.

It takes a few minutes at most and is painless. The real pain is driving them up to the hospital but in the end so worth it.

Blood phe levels here are 2-`10 mg/ dl  for adults  and 2 to 6 mg/ dl for pregnancy. We measure in mg/ dl scale. I can’t quite remember the conversation right now. I know its either divide by 60 or by 90. I will have to look it up in past blog posts. Unless someone cares to comment and refresh my memory?

When I am not pregnant , levels take a week to 10 days to get results back. I look forward to the day we have a home testing device !!

I hope this helps those of you who has, and as always please feel free to ask me any questions , I am always happy to help!

That's my PKU life

52 days.

I am breaking my hiatus and attempting to write again. It has been 52 days since my last a post and I have sure felt it. I have had words spiraling around mixed with my emotions and thoughts but just have been unable to put them out there.

I needed this hiatus. It has been an incredibly tough time. Though we continue to feel the pressure I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Over the past few weeks we have been through alot. February was one of the worst months we have had and I am so glad it is over. A true test of strength . Normally in times of struggles writing helps get me through. This time I just needed to get out of my head.  To live in the moment and find myself and re connect.

Sometimes being stuck in your head can be detrimental. once stuck there its easy to stay there, the weight of everything pulls you down and your thoughts spiral and build up.

Living in the moment focusing on today brings out your strength and proves to you , you can handle anything. That you do have the skills, the ability and you do get through it. You just do it!

February was a slow month for work.  Being on call each day waiting for the phone to ring. I ended up only working 3 shifts in february.

On Valentines day Cole and I went for a drive through the grass lands for an adventure. We took Copper and my camera and just planned to enjoy the day. We have been having spring like weather for a few days at that time and the snow had mostly melted. There was still some ice and snow up in the grasslands but it was a beautiful sunny day. Lots of mud and puddles. I was shooting photos out the truck window and enjoying the breeze. We approached a large looking puddle and cole told me to roll up the window while we drove through so we didnt get wet. We went to drive through the puddle and ended up hitting a sheet of ice at such an angle that the truck right side broke and the wheels went down, there was water up to the door and we where stuck. Not going any where!! We could not get a tow truck as we where on a dirt road 20 km from the main road. Ww called a friend to pick me up and Coles brother to come asses the damage on coles truck. We had to adandon it over night as it was not driveable and we could not get it out. Coles brother chris was able to pull it out of the puddle but they where going to have to fix the truck up there.  Chris picked cole up on sunday to drive back to the grasslands and work on coles truck. They where able to pull it down the road some more close to the pavement and main road but as they where pulling it the wheel bearing broke off and so did the tires. They had to abadon in again for the night. Chris had some parts at his house so they went back to pick up the parts and on there way driving back to coles truck a drunk driver ran a stop sign and smashed into cole and chris. Chris was driving. Cole was the passenger. Chris truck was heavily damaged and written off. Cole had some soft tissue injuries and a very sore hand from bracing for the impact. Which we recently learnt is actually broken. So now Cole has his first cast and is off work for 8 to 12 weeks.

So Between us both we pretty much both have not worked much in the past few weeks. February is a very slow time of year for casual nurses. March is to apparently.

amongst the 2 car accidents, I had a devastating lost. My beloved uncle John passed away on Feb 2st after nearly a month in the hospital with an internal bleed caused by his liver cancer. He suffered so much. I was unable to go and visit him since Cole and I both had not been working. I did get to talk to him a couple times but it took alot of energy out of him. I spoke to him the morning that he passed away. I did not know it would be the last time I talked to him. I am comforted to know that when he woke up in heaven, he was finally pain free and no longer suffering.  He had such a hard life and had lived in chronic pain for so many years.  I am happy to know he is no longer suffering and he is with my beloved grandparents, his parents. But I miss him terribly. I still cannot believe he is gone. He was 63 years old. The same age my grandparents passed away from Cancer. My grandma had lung cancer that spread to her liver. My grandpa had back/ bone cancer and he passed away 3 days after his diagnosis. My uncle started with Bladder Cancer and lead to liver.

At work on the few shifts I had had , I had 2 deaths right in the same week I knew I was loosing my uncle and after. So it really brought that home. I have been a LPN now for 5 years and in my 5 years I had one of my own patients die. Now I have had 2 more with in weeks of each other.  When i lost my grandparents I was 12 and 13 years old. Now I am an adult and a nurse and my uncle is the first loved one I have lost since my childhood, my nursing skills helped me get through it and also re awoken how it is to be that family member , no matter how prepared you think you are.

With Cole and I both working very little we have been finding ways to fill our free time, and we had been having such gorgeous warm weather for weeks now, so we have been hiking and walking almost every other day.  On february 1st I shifted my focus and my goals from wanting to have a baby to wanting to focus on myself. Wanting to focus on fitness and my physical self. To finally loose the weight I have been trying unsuccessfully to loose for many years.

I started tracking my intake again but this time with my fitness pal. And unlike all my previous attempts at losing weight , this time I am focusing on calories and not my phe levels. I am still of course trying to keep them in range but I am having to cut back my low protein portions, increase fresh healthy foods. I am weighing and measuring and recording everything.  I have had to include some higher protein foods to achieve my balance with calories and weight loss so my levels have risen a bit but I am losing. I have lost 9 lbs since February 1st. My levels have been in the 11-13 range . I would like to keep them around 9 or 10 at the most so it is still a work in progress. The first day I ate like normal and recorded everything to see what my intake was like and I was shocked to see i was consuming over 2500 calories a day. I have been living my life around my low protein food. EAting whatever i wanted and as much as i want as long as it was low protein. So my levels stayed super low but my waist got bigger and bigger. Within 24 hours i cut my calories to 1740 and drastically cut my portions. It was a real eye opener how small real portions actually are. The first 2 weeks where so tough!I was so hungry and cranky and moody, and angry!!! I had stomach pains and hunger and felt like withdrawals. But i just took everything one day at a time and I am really enjoying the time out doors. I look forward to the hiking with cole and copper . I am enjoying setting and reaching goals and challenging myself. I am enjoying the way my body feels after a hike and I am noticing small changes. I am feeling proud of myself.

I am also still in Cognitive behaviour therapy group once a week. We are going into our 10th week and I am beginning one on one sessions for trauma counselling. At first I was unsure what to expect and didnt really understand what the therapy was suppose to accomplish or what I would learn from it and I had my gaurds up aganist it. Now I really am feeling like I am taking it in and learning. I do feel personal growth and new skills. IT has been good for me. I am learning more about myself and who I am . I have kept myself down and as a victim for so long that I no longer had a relationship with myself or recognized who I am. I felt undeserving of self compassion and it is something I still struggle with. I have compassion for my family, my friends , my co workers and my residents but not for myself. I feel like from what I have been through over the years that I am not good enough.

These last few weeks I am starting to reconnect and feel like these puzzle pieces are starting to come together and pieces of me i am recognizing again. I have genuinely laughed, cried, been happy, been angry and have had real emotions that i have aloud myself to feel deeply and not just surface thick.

I am re connecting with activities that make me happy. Like being out doors, hiking, being out in the sun, spending time with copper and cole ,  I have made a few new friends and have been trying new things. I am having spending lots of time in the yard getting it ready for spring. Doing yard work, pruning bushes, weeding garden beds and clearing away the debris from winter. Yesterday I even got my flower beds seeded. I have started my herb and veggie seedlings inside and am planning my garden for this season. It was plus 17 and beautiful sun yesterday so i spent all day outside. Today however it is raining so its an inside day. Hoping to do some baking!

So that has been my journey over the last 52 days, The ups and downs and highs and lows. Writing out in words does not do it justice. Fitting it all into this one blog post makes it seem so little now , but getting through each day has been a real challenge and facing each moment head on . It has taken great strength . The support from my friends and family has been so appreciated. I have enjoyed not being on line as much and taking a step back from the groups and fb and interacting but I am happy to get back to my blog. I love writting here and interacting with you all.  I hope to write again more often!  I hope you are all doing well and for those that make it through this whole post, I thank you!

All the best ,

Amanda