• Warning – intense and somewhat graphic content may follow. I have tried to be as sensitive as I can but wanted to be honest and to share our truth, our birth story. Read at will.

Thursday August 15th started off just as any other day.

Braxton hicks had been happening on and off for weeks. My back pain , hip pain and sacrum pain was still getting to me. Every day I was just waiting for the contractions to either get stronger or progress. Every day I woke up waiting for my water to break but live my life. I had appointments all week accept Thursday. Thursday was my relax day.

So we had some friends over to play outside in our back yard. Our to do list was practically done and the house was all clean and organized.  We had planned to just relax and enjoy the sunshine, Our friends came and stayed a good few hours. We filled up the plastic kids pool and we all sat outside while the kids played. I soaked my feet. Us mommies visited , had a long chat and caught up. We even ate lunch together outside.

Cole got off work early and home was home by  lunch. After lunch and when our friends left I bathed Madelyn and we all had a nap.  I think I finally laid down around 230pm.

I had noticed some cramping start around 2 pm. Though it was alot sharper then my regular cramps had been I though nothing of it and went and laid down figuring they would ease off again till morning. then repeat like they have been doing for weeks. Usually waking me up at 2 am and lasting till 4 or 5 am thus leaving me tired and sore all day.

I woke around 4pm to more very sharp cramps. They started coming on every 10 mins and we started timing them at 430pm. By bedtime they where increasing in pain and frequency. Down to 8 mins apart, then 6 mins apart. But 11 pm they where 4 mins apart and strong.

All through my back and hips. My belly was getting hard and they where sharp. I was having trouble breathing, moving, staying in one position. I was mostly lying over the ball on all 4s or on the couch. I wanted the pressure of a hard surface aganist my hips and back. I could barely breathe or talk. It was time to call the midwife.

My midwife was still on holidays and so it was her fill in whom I had met earlier in the week just in case. I had met Lee on Monday, and she had done another stretch and sweep.

Lee came out just a little after 11 pm an to my dismay I was still only 1 cm dilated and slightly more effaced then when she had checked me on monday. No progress. I was really struggling through the pain at this point but didn’t want to go into the hospital for morphine as we would have had to wake Madelyn and take her with us.

Lee gave me some gravol as I was very nauseated.   I took some extra strength Tylenol. We figured it was prodomal labor again and it would either ease off or progress into the real thing. I could not imagine it not progressing or not being true labour.

Cole went to bed and I went for a bath.  I had some bloody show but not what I had expected from people who had told me about it before. I hadn’t had any with Madelyn. My water still had not broken. With madelyn my water broke when the contractions started so this time i was waiting for my water to break before calling but the contractions where to intense and to close together to wait . I thought if my water broke then I would know its really real.

I stayed in the bath tub till 6 am ( Friday Aug/16/19)  when Cole got up. The pain was over whelming. It was draining me. I was not coping. I stayed in the tub all night long with wicked horrible painful contractions very regularly every 10 mins. I had no rest. No break. The pain was consuming me. It was through my back and hips. I could not move.  I had a sopping wet towel against the tub for me to lie my head on, or scream into so I would not wake Cole and Madelyn.

I was struggling so much. I could not imagine going much longer at this level of intensity. The pain was to much. I could barely see straight. It did not feel right. It was not like this with Madelyn. I could not contain myself and I could not help but scream with each one or bite the wet towel.

By the time Cole woke up I needed help to move and to get out of the tub. I wanted to be in my bed. My hips and back where burning. I could get no relief no matter how I  moved. I was in tears. I called the midwife again and by the time she arrived i felt a shift.

I dont know how it was possible but it was like the intensity was turned up even higher.

I was weakening though. Cracking under the pressure and the lack of sleep. Id now been up 24 hours straight with no rest or break. I was starting to panic because the contractions where growing faster and faster and I was worried Lee was not going to make it.

When she finally did make it i was 8 cm and things where happening quickly. She called for her 2nd – A midwife named Ace who had delivered my best friend chantals youngest daughter.  Lee started setting things up but i couldn’t let her leave me.

I needed her to be with me and apply pressure to my back and hips so she was having trouble getting her stuff set up. Every time she tired to leave me i cried. I needed antibiotics because I had come back GBS positive but she couldn’t get the IV in me and I was struggling with the pain to much.  I remember yelling at her and her 2nd Ace alot. Either to not touch me, or to apply pressure, or not to leave me cause ” I really cant do this” When Ace got to our house she climbed into the bed with me and held my hips and squeezed my back while Lee tried to get set up.  I think I yelled at them alot and ordered them around or asked them to do this and this. I was very vocal. I was loosing all faith in myself and kept crying I cant do this. Ace pep talked me the whole time . She rubbed my face and my back and my temples and talked me through breathing and my fears.

Madelyn was awake now and she came into my room to say ” mama remember to breathe ” If only I could have laughed. In that moment I was so proud of her. She left my bed and ran out to Cole and I hear her say from the hall ” Daddy my baby is coming now ” you could hear her excitement.  she asked daddy if she could go to Aunty chantals until the baby came so Cole got her ready and packed her up and chantal came to get here.

All the while I cannot get off the bed. I wanted to be in the water , I wanted my pool but  I could not make myself move. I could not engage my muscles to lift myself off. I wanted the pressure of the bed against my back and hips . I needed to lie on my side.   I had not planned on being in our bed or not being able to move freely. With Madelyn I was up and walking and in the shower and pacing. This time I could not.  The midwifes worked together to get sheets and drop clothes under me in the bed with out me having to get up.

Cole started to pump up the birth pool by hand. He new i wanted it even though everyone thought I was running out of time and wasn’t going to make it.  He eventually got it filled and the midwifes got me up and got me to the pool. I barely remember how I walked there. I got in the pool and leaned over the side with my head in either Coles lap or with Ace. Cole fed me drinks and Gatorade, Lee gave me honey on a spoon.  Cole or Ace took turns holding my hands and letting me squeeze them and talking to me. Trying to help me breathe but the unbearable unimaginable pain was ripping through my back and I felt like my hips where going to separate and split my back in two. I literately felt like my back was going to rip open from the pressure. I dont know how else to describe it. My poor midwifes, I remember screaming If i have to push i cant do it,. i have nothing left i have no strength to bare down or engage my muscles. I cannot do. The tried everything to help me at home.

At one point i had  tends machine on my back and hips. This was entirely different then the first time, completely different experience then with Madelyn and not like any of the home birth videos I seen. I began to doubt myself. Regret this decision. Felt stupid for ever trying. By now i think its 9 am.  They decide to check me again. My water is still not broken the baby is in a bad position, shes twisted and coming down wrong. They break my waters hoping that will help her come down. There is meconium. We need to transfer to the hospital.  The fear takes over. I cannot imagine getting dressed, getting in the car, driving that far ( its less then 10 mins) I cant picture getting in the car or my seat belt. Im crying and upset. Why did I not go sooner? why was I not already there? is the baby ok? Is she stressed?  if we are going to go , we need to go now before the next contraction. I cant bear to go through this in the car.

The pain is impacting my ability to stay calm, to focus, to make decisions. If we go we need to go now. Cole and the midwifes make a dash for it. Grab our go bags and help me to the car. I cant sit,. they turn me on all 4s and i lean over the back of the passenger seat. Its taking to long they are standing outside the car talking trying to plan a route around the construction. I dont even care anymore lets just go! Please hurry! and get me a god damn epidural.

We get to the emergency parking lot , the ride is a blur. There is no parking. Cole stops in the middle and puts the hazard lights on. I scream for someone to help us. im panicked and in pain. A paramedic brings over a wheel chair and Cole gets me up to the 3rd floor im yelling faster. i can feel her moving again. shes going low.  We get to our room and im yelling for an epidural. The nurse says I cant have one yet. They set me up get my IV antibiotics going, give me some gas ( after fumbling with the tanks) It feels like a whirlwind going on around me) , Cole is gone he has to move the car.

Everything seems so fast and intense. The intensity level has been so high for so long I dont how it can go on this heightened much longer. At this point i had labored at home for 18 hours. We had arrived at the hospital somewhere between 1030 and 1045 am  but im not sure.  The midwife says something about babies position being not good. The anesthesiologist arrives to do the epidural but my body is starting to push on its own with out me.

There is no time. Im feeling everything. The pressure is high. I want to squirm around.  I dont want to push . I dont want to accept the contractions it hurts to much. So much for all my visualization of beaches and caves and calm and relaxation techniques. My body is fighting. Im screaming to much my throat is raw. They tell me to go deep with the contractions and go low and bare down and push. Babies shoulders are stuck. Im loosing power with my screams. Take it in go quiet and push down. Dont let my power out. I ask for the push bar  and rope. It helps alot. But she is twisted and stuck and her shoulders are applying so much pressure. They loose her heart rate. Im panicking that shes not ok. they insert a “poky”thing on her head to get her heart rate again.  She is stressed. The midwife tells me to get up and to  squat at the bar and push. i cant get up on my own . I think cole and the nurses help me. I push and I feel her crown. They tell me later she was coming down and out like a little soldier at attention with her head and back and shoulders rigid and straight. I know now that she was stuck to much for me to progress at home. I felt her change and break free when we got to the hospital things changed fast. Once she got past that she was coming fast.

I want to keep pushing. They tell me to stop to go slow , little pushes but I want her out I feel her there. I feel the pressure I feel my body wanting to push her out hard and fast but there telling to go slow  i need to stretch more or ill tear. I dont even care anymore i need her out.   But i do what they say. I try to stop my body to fight its urge to push i try to breathe and go slow. Then its ready again . I feel it build up. I try to look around, there seems to be 30 people in the room. There are crash carts, doctors, nurses,  a respiratory tech. ( hes is a guy) i ask loudly why is there a male in here . I am not happy about it.  But with the next push I forget all about him and shes out. I feel her I feel everything. I felt the moment she broke free. I felt the “gush” I felt her leave me.

at 1258 pm August 16th 2019 Friday , she is born earth side.

In the time that I started pushing and the time she was born was very fast. There was not alot of time for to be squeezed. she had broken blood vessels all over her body and her eyes and busing. We both are bruised. I even have bruises on my arms and legs. Huge bruises. She had mucus in her lungs to but was still great at latching and trying to eat. The girl has an appetite!

I see her, shes so grey and sticky. They lift her onto me and she starts crying. Everyone is happy and they all leave out the door no longer needed. I still feel things are moving fast.  Im still reeling. Im still spinning. The placenta wasn’t coming out right away.

We are able to do a delay cord clamp until it stopped pulsating. I think a whole 8 mins.  Shes finally mine. i can touch her and look at her. I feel things start to slow. somehow i have not torn to bad. just slightly. Only one stitch if I choose to, they recommend it for healing . So I say yes.

Cole has been by my side the whole time cheering me on, telling me I can do it. I could hear him the whole time but i feel like im finally seeing him . Unlike last time im sure he got the full show and seen everything and I dont even care anymore.

Last time I cared so much about if I was to loud. if I was rude or yelly, or what people thought of me. I tried harder to maintain some modesty. It felt slower with Madelyn, more quiet, less intense. I am sad. Everything felt like it happens to fast when i reality it was 21 hours from when we first started timing. I feel physically beaten. I am sore, Im cramping. The after pains and contractions for the placenta are almost just as bad . With Madelyn i had more time to think, to absorb, to take it in, to make decisions. This time I didn’t.  There are still more people in the room then with Madelyn. I deliver the placenta and im still bleeding to much. Im not hemorrhaging but the cant find my fundus or its not doing what its suppose to . They give me a shot and they hand Oxycontin in my IV. I go through 2 bags of it.

Lee asks me if i want to see the placenta. I did not with Madelyn as i thought it was gorey and gross. 3 days after she was born I regretted it and cried in the shower. How could I not even look at the organ my body grew  and held her and housed her before I could? So this time I took the chance. It was much smaller then I thought it would be as id seen lots of photos online. Lee say is on the small size. Im surprised to find it amazing. she gives me a tour of it, explaining all about it and showing me how it worked and what each thing is. Its really remarkable and I can totally see the image of the ” tree of life” with in it. I see why people call it that.

People keep coming in and out to check the bleeding to check me. They give us 2 hours of skin to skin with baby an to breastfeed. At 2 hours they take her to measure her and do their checks. I had said the whole time I thought she was going to be 8 lbs but after holding her she looks and feels smaller.  I guess 7 13 . She is 8 lbs 5 oz and 51 cm long. I cant believe it.

All she wants to do is eat!    We start to talk about names.  cole says Olivia – For the second letter of his name is O and like my name Amanda – M is my second initial for Madelyn. I didn’t catch it at first but Olivia does not feel right to me anymore. Even though it was my 3rd choice. I had been stuck on Clara for months but she no longer felt like a Clara. I say Abigail , Cole dosent like it. He says Amelia ( 7th on my list and hadn’t been on my radar in months) I look at her and think, I say it over and over again for about an hour. I keep looking at her. it feels right. it suits her.  We have a name! We start to call our families and a few close friends.

After my shower I get up and move around and feed her some more. Cole goes to get Madelyn to bring her to see us . while he is gone im moved to post partum. The nurses are all so great.  I need to be kept for observation for 24 to 48 hours depending how it goes. We only got one dose of the antibiotics in before she was born and they normally want more or to closely monitor baby . temperature and vitals every 4 hours.

Madelyn arrives and the nurse who happens to be a family friend films Madelyn come in and meet her sister. Madelyn looks at me and says good job mama. Im crying. My first baby is meeting my second baby. Madelyn looks at her and says ” i am so glad the baby is out of your belly now mom” she is cuing at her and calling her little cutie and talking to her.  My heart swells. We have it all on camera.  I tell Madelyn we have a name of her. Madelyn says she wants to name her Mia. We say its not Mia, Madelyn says she wants to name her Abigail Rose” We say its not Abigail. We tell her its Amelia and Madelyn says ” Oh Amelia , I like that its nice , Hi Amelia im your big sister” and like that our world is complete. Our family is complete. Madelyn stays and visits with us until bedtime. daddy takes her home to bed bathes her and spends hours cleaning up from our attempted home birth. Getting everything ready to bring baby home.

I am feeling bruised and batters. I feel so much pain still and slightly traumatized.  i ache all over. They bring me ice packs and heating pads and Tylenol and ibuprofen and gravol all night. Amelia cluster feeds from midnight to 7 am.   When she feeds there is intense cramps and after pains. They tell me they get worse with every baby.

The nurses are short staffed so they set me up as best as they can so I can be independent through the night. Since this is not my first rodeo after all.  they place the bassinet in my bed with all our supplies and the call bell. The gravol kicks in and we fall alseep around 9 and wake up just before midnight. We cluster feed all night long till 7 am, Hour after hour on each breast back and forth.  Daddy and Madelyn finally arrive around 10 am. Amelia has been sleeping since 8 am and sleeps till almost 11. Still being checked and vitals and temperature readings. Staying on top of the pain meds is critical for me. They do blood work on both of us. My hemoglobin and her PKU newborn screening test before we go home. they do a heart check on her, and a few other things.  Lee comes back and does her 24 hours checks and its decided we can go home.  We left the hospital around 230. Got home at 3 pm. I shower and then our photographer arrives by 330 to do our ” fresh 48 newborn lifestyle photo shoot”

By 430 we are done and its dinner and early to bed. Amelia cluster feeds from 11 pm to 6 or 7 am the next few nights. Im struggling to produce again.  By day 3 Our midwife Joanna is back and baby girl has lost 13 % of her weight and we need to start supplementing.  I refused to do the S and S system again so we start at the breast for 10 mins each side then we de latch and give formula. im still not producing but i have milk. Just not the volume Amelia needs.  shes sleeping better since the formula.  We feed every 3 hours , and change and cuddle and repeat. Cole has taken the week off and we are resting and sleeping when we can. It dosent feel as crazy as Madelyn first week. Madelyn has been amazing to. Such a big helper girl. she loves her sister.

I feel like im still whirling from our birth experience. I feel traumatized from the levels of pain. From the constant high of intensity. Form all the differences from what i experienced with Madelyn.  I know all births are different but wow! I feel some regret and emotions. I feel like I shouldn’t feel bad or complain or feel traumatized because it could have been worse and for others it is. I feel like for those of you reading it , it does not sound like a big deal. In the moment thought it really was. i know you cant plan for birth, that plans change, intentions change, but its so not what i visualized or dreampt about. I was always scared for it but was prepared for it. I figured id cope better, id manage better, id endure better. I was prepared to feel pain.I had no idea. This pain was to much. I feel bad I could not handle it. I have seen women do it, ive heard of them doing it. I hoped I could to. I had hoped I would cope and get through it. I wanted to.  I dont no how any one does that with out drugs. I have seen some pretty calm and beautiful births and I wonder what the hell happens and why couldn’t I ? Madelyn was long yes and painful but less intense. i got rest. I got an epidural. I was able to gather my strength. I was able to think and process . I was able to absorb the process and ride it out.

I had wanted to try not to have drugs this time but omg i needed them and wanted them and still couldn’t have them. I am lucky I went to chrio and massage every week in my pregnancy or maybe it would have been alot worse. I wish I could have gone for the morphine. I should have had a break or rest. Going that hard that long that fast really took a toll.  I feel steam rolled by a freight train. That just kept coming and no end. I feel like ive been hit by a bus. I keep telling myself it could have been worse. Im lucky. I didn’t really tear, my recovery wont be as hard, i didn’t have  a c section. I have no physical trauma or side effects , im healing well and barely bleeding now at all.  For the first few days i felt soft and squishy and jiggly all over. weak and soft. Im starting to feel my body wake up. My muscles are reminding me they still exist. Im feeling more tension. I have lost 20 lbs and barely recognize myself.  My body will need time and so do it . At the end of it all, she is here she is perfect. Shes beautiful and healthy and blonde! So blonde. I realized that right away. Blonde eye lashes and eye brows and curly hair like me.  I really am so happy. I m happy shes hear and cant believe its been a week already tomorrow.  I am so in love!

Here are a few photos form our photo shoot for you to enjoy!

We are so delighted to welcome our 2nd beautiful baby girl into the world. We are so please she is here and ready to start our lives together. Watching madelyn with her has been so amazing. shes a wonderful big sister already.  I look at my girls and im still in total disbelif. This is my family. We did this. We made them. They are my heart and soul. I am so blessed and thankful .  I cant help but just sit and stare and be in utter awe. Its so amazing how life changes and what we do and who become when we are parents.  I cant ask for a better life. God has blessed me so many time. i will forever be so thankful for the love and support through out this journey. To my team, my family, my friends, and everyone else. Thank you. thank you so much.

Well here we are. Was hoping I wouldn’t see week 39 with all the braxton hicks I have been having the past couple weeks. Also because tonight at midnight my midwife goes off call and wont be back till 2 days after my due date. I have spent the majority of my pregnancy terrified to go through a lengthy painful labour again as well as giving birth but now im more anxious and scared at the idea of potentially doing it with out my amazing midwife by my side. As much as i cannot even begin to picture going over due again like with Madelyn , id rather go over due and wait for my midwife. I was really hoping baby girl would decide to join us by tonight though. I have had cramps off and on for weeks that each day seem to get stronger. Last night they where super strong but then after hours of discomfort they yet again stopped. Its becoming quit frustrating.  I am at the point where if its gonna happen lets just do this and get it over with!

I had a stretch and sweep done on Wednesday and was 1 cm dilated and 50 % effaced.  I have walked alot the past few days and trying to keep busy but also rest as much as possible. I want to make sure i’m rested in case i go into labour through the night and then be awake all day with both a brand new newborn and Madelyn. So been taking advantage of napping and long baths when able to.

Our to do before baby list is nearly complete. Only a few small things remain that are not to important to actually get done. We got new couches finally, Madelyn got a new big sister bed and we dont need to lie on her floor anymore till she falls asleep. My house cleaner came on Thursday and did a 6 hours deep clean so my house is all lovely and shiny and now to try to keep it that way  lol

my phe levels are steady at 2.5 mg /dl and my tolerance is sitting at 2150 mg phe still ( 43 grams protein)  I have enjoyed a variety of foods and feel like i havent missed any opportunities.

On Thursday after my chiro appt i took madelyn to the beach and we walked along the river. it was 38 degrees Celsius ( very hot) on Thursday so we played in the water and walked between the beaches and parks. Then later that evening we went for a relaxing tub ride down the river and a swim. The river was so nice and cold and felt amazing on my puffy feet.  On the walk home i started to get strong contractions again but they stopped as per usual.

yesterday we had a surprised visit from one of my best friends from back home and we all went out for dinner we had a big sushi meal and it was great!

So i feel ready. I feel all done . Now its just count down and a waiting game!

Here is what babyceneter.ca has to say about week 39

#39weeks

The average baby is about 20.5 inches / 51 centimetres long from head to toe and weighs approximately 7.5 pounds / 3.4 kilograms at birth, but anywhere between 5 pounds 11.5 ounces and 8 pounds 5.75 ounces / 2.5 and 3.8 kilograms is a healthy range for newborns.

Your amniotic fluid, once clear, is now pale and milky from your baby’s shedding vernix caseosa. The outer layers of skin are also sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

check back often for our next post. Fingers crossed its an announcement!

38 weeks today. What a week it has been. Last Sunday my best friend Chantal through me the loveliest little Winnie the pooh themed baby shower. It was fun to celebrate with a few close friends, Coles granny and my mother in law. Chantal did such an amazing job.  She even had as sign on the door when I walked over that said ” 100 acre wood” she made place cards,  punch labels, wine labels,  and little cards for all the food. She made “piglet punch” and these adorable little peanut butter sandwiches shaped as teddy bears. She had honey gramham cracker teddy bears , veggie platters, cheese platters, bread bowls, so much food! she made a banner and hung balloons. She even made little honey pots for all the guest to take home with honey in them! She painted sunflower pots as honey pots for pens and cards for the games, and a note for baby!

I was so touched. I never got a baby shower with madelyn and it really hurt my feelings. I never thought id have the experiance again. I am so grateful and appreciative.  I am still waiting on the photos from her camera but here are a quick few I snapped on my phone.

I am so blessed to have such an amazing friend as her. I am aunty to both her girls and she is to mine. I did daycare for both her girls for 2 years and she lives across the street. She means the world to me!

Oh and cant forget my beautiful cake!

Other than that the week flew by and here we are into August already!

I have been very sick with a chest infection. I am on a inhaler and feel like my lungs are full of fluid. I have been having terrible coughing fits and tore all the muscles in my belly so it really hurts to breathe or cough and I have to splint my tummy when I cough.  Its been about 2 weeks with that now. Madelyn has it to an it has of course induced her asthma. On top of it i have been having cramps all week. I am not to sure if they are braxton hicks cause I never experienced those with Madelyn. Everything with her just sort of happen at once.

We had a really rough week with very little sleep due to the coughing fits. The would wake her up all hours of the night and then id have to lie on the floor beside her bed and help her resettle. some nights i was in there for hours. Getting up and down off the floor to try to go back to my room to sleep before she woke up again. We ended up canceling a few of my appointments this week due to lack of sleep and pain and coughing so i missed my chrio appt.  I didn’t even have the energy to drive my blood dot to the lab on Thursday.  I did end up going out Friday to get a few things done before baby comes.

I had a few last minute purchases to make, took madelyn for a hair cut, took my suv in to be serviced.  We have been making great progress trying to get as much done as we can before baby. I have had a list of repairs and house hold stuff for cole to work on for weeks now and its winding down.  Today he finally washed all the outside windows as they where driving me nuts.  We still need to wash the carpers and furniture, fix the baby gate at the top of the stairs, take copper to the vet for his vaccines, install door stops behind the bedroom doors so they dont keep bashing the walls and a few other things. But we have checked off all the major stuff.  The nursery is done, we have everything we need. The car seats are installed, we had to change madelyn to forward facing now to fit in the infant seat. She has been rear facing because she was still within the requirements.  All the clothes have been sorted and put away. My just in case hospital bag is packed. My home birth kit is complete. We even have the pool now. I have made “padsicles” Prepped my post partum care supplies , and stocked up on my essential oils.

We got the fish tanks cleaned. The yard work is done.  The house is repainted all the holes have been patched and cole has done many repairs around the house. I need to remember to wash all our bedding this weekend.

My levels are stable. My latest was 2.5 mg /dl after being increased to 2150 mg phe /43 grams protein. I have tried some new foods this week and have a couple more on my list to try before baby.  Yesterday I made my first ever nachos! I used the cambrooke burger mix, onions, garlic, dayia cheese both mozzarella and cheddar. Topped with tomatoes, avocado and sour cream. I used tostitos restaurant style chips and omg was it ever amazing!

Here is a pic :

Today I had a butter croissant and some mini donuts as well as some caramel pop corn. I filled the croissant with sauteed apples in honey, cinnamon and sugar.

Left on my list is a bagel with cream cheese . a wrap of some sort, maybe a donut from Tim Hortons and a creamsical ice cream cone at DQ

Oh i almost forgot! Since I was so late posting my 37 week update and only got around to publishing it last night I havent updated on our anniversary celebrations!

Cole and I celebrated 14 years together on July 24th. We had a date night and his cousin baby sat madelyn. It was our first date night in a year. We went to this place called ” Bliss float center” where you float! In water! In these cabins. I was so nervous because I am claustrophobic, you do it alone and completely naked!  You float in 10 inches of water that has over 1000 lbs of Epson Salts and its room temperature water. It is essentially a tank.  Much like sensory deprivation. There is no sounds and they turn out all the lights and you just float.  It is suppose to be really good for weightlessness, healing, pain, pregnancy , discomfort and relaxation.  The sessions are 90 mins long. I did find I got to warm near the end and I choose to keep a soft dim green light on as the darkness got to my anxiety. But you know what? I did relax and it was great on my hips and back. I switched between floating on my back to floating on my belly . Cole loved it and plans to go back again. To learn more about ” floating ” follow this link :

http://www.blissfloatcentre.ca/about_float_therapy/

After that we went to dinner together at Original Joes. I cannot remember the name of the meal I choose but WOW! it was so good. It was a summer rice bowl with kale/cabbage salad, asparagus, cauliflower, a root vegetable, avocado and rice. It was all tied together wonderfully with this surprisingly good orange ginger sauce.  It was for sure something I could never eat with my regular PKU diet so i am glad I got to enjoy it.  Here is a pic, is int it beautiful?

After dinner cole took me to get my very first DQ blizzard! I got an oreo blizzard and it was mouth watering!

I havent done any yoga, walking or swimming since June. I keep saying I will but then I dont because i’m either to exhausted or to swollen or just to damn uncomfortable. really  hoping that not keeping up with physical activity wont bite me in the ass come labour time.

Luckily I have only gained 14 lbs this pregnancy even though I feel massive.

I got a little gift made for madelyn from her baby sister when she arrives.  I ordered them custom t-shirts and some special dolls from my favorite online baby store ” Threading the love ” Based in my home town of Vancouver island.

The dolls will have the girls names on them and here are the proofs for the shirts.

We still dont have a name picked out for baby. Waiting untill we meet her. But I wanted to do something special to include madelyn .

Yesterday my midwife came to my house for my home visit and delivered the home birthing pool with liner.  She showed me how to set it up and we went over where to set it up and where she would need space for supplies and such. She checked my blood pressure, re did the GB test, listen to baby and checked her position. Everything went well.  I see her again on Wednesday. We may decide to do a stretch and sweep then as she is actually going out of province the whole week of my due date and that just set my anxiety through the roof. I cannot imagine doing this with out her. She is amazing we have a great bond and established trust. she also delivered madelyn. I dont want anyone else.  She will be gone Aug 11-19th and my due date is the 17th. So i am really hoping this baby girl decides to come this coming week  – not this weekend as its BC day long weekend. Before my midwife leaves otherwise she better stay put an go a couple days over due. However I cannot imagine going over due or another 2 weeks like this. Specially with the cramps i have been experiencing.  I am so done. I am so ready. I just want to get birth over with , meet this baby and begin our new lives as a family of 4. Even though I am still having terrible anxiety about the pain of labour and birth. As well as healing and post partum and juggling 2 kids. But im done. My body is done. My feet and legs are so puffy cole has had to put my compression stockings on for me many times this week

Im ready. so lets do this!

Anyone want to guess a birth date and weight? Im hoping between Aug 6th and 10th and maybe 7 lbs? Comment on my fb page or below to leave your guess!

It has been such a busy week that I forgot to post on Saturday. Since im actually 38 weeks tomorrow i thought  i better make a quick post about last week before i uploaded tomorrows.

Latest phe level 2.5  Current phe tolerance 2150 mg . Officialy more then i ever had with Madelyn. I topped out at 2000 mg with her. 

37 weeks. Full term. Baby should arrive anytime in the next 3 weeks give or take. Won’t be much longer now till we meet our newest addition and complete our little family. I almost don’t like writing these posts anymore because I just sound like Complaining now. I’m swollen. I’m puffy
I’m exhausted. I’m not sleeping. I’m uncomfortable. My feet and ankles are puffy. My knees feel like there is fluid on them. My hands and wrists are puffy. My hands hurt and are tingly. My blood pressure and all tests are great. Wearing compression stockings. I’m using essential oils ( safely and under advisement ) taking baths and foot baths. My latear PHE level was 2.5 after being increased last week to 2000 mg phe / 40 grams protein. My weight is steady. It’s hard to breathe still baby is very high and very active. I have a terrible wet cough when I lie down it feels like fluid building up so I sleep kinda sitting up with lots of pillows under my head ,shoulders, knees and feet. I still go to chriopractor two times a week and massage weekly. We celebrated our 14 year anniversary this week and went for a float at bliss float center and it really felt good on my hips and back. I even got to check off my list item of my first ever Oreo Blizzard from dairy Queen. This week my midwife appt is a home visit and my weekly massage and chiro. Trying to fit some fun and relaxation in as well. Maybe a swim or some yoga if I can get past the discomfort from the swelling. We got our carseats installed this week to so much much left to do on our list of things before baby comes. Almost ready ! I ordered matching shirts for the girls that say big sister little sister and a doll for Madelyn as a gift from her sister. Almost have everything we need other than a few small things . Mostly wants not needs.
Hoping to make it to the first week of August at the very least.
#maternalpku #mpku
#pkuawareness #phenylketonuria
#pkulife #pkuadult #canpku #pkustrong #almosthere #fullterm#37weekspregnant #babynumber2 #babysister

Here is what baby center.ca  has to say about week 37

#37weekspregnant
#fullterm #anytimenow #butnottosoon
Your baby weighs close to 6.5 pounds / 2.8 kilograms and may be about 20 inches / 50 centimetres long from head to toe. Your baby’s head is now cradled in your pelvic cavity — surrounded and protected by your pelvic bones. This position clears some much-needed space for her growing legs and buttocks.

Many babies now have a full head of hair, with locks maybe around one inch / 2.5 centimetres long. But don’t be surprised if her hair isn’t the same colour as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes taken aback when their children are born with bright red or blond hair, and fair-haired couples likewise can produce babies with dark hair. And then, of course, some babies don’t have any hair at all.

check back tomorrow for week 38 tomorrow!

Welcome to day 1 week 1 of month 9! We could have a baby anytime in the next 4 short weeks!! Blows my mind! We have come so far! Its so crazy to think about.

Mamas who are due around me are starting to have their babies. Hard to believe that it could soon be our turn. We could have a new baby anytime in the next few weeks. I don’t know if I’m more terrified or excited. Have some serious anxiety though. Trying to slow down and relax and enjoy these last few weeks with my big girl before she becomes a big sister. Still going to chiropractic and massage to help my body and work on my hips and back.
My phe levels are still stable at 2.5 mg/DL so i haven’t had any increases in my tolerance . I’ve been tested for B12 deficiency but the results came back normal. Apparently on the report the Anesthesiologist sent to my midwife said that I had a b12 deficiency but that was the first anyone on my team had heard about it so not really sure where he got that information. For some reason the same report also said that I cant have the ” gas” while in labour if I need pain management.  Not that I was planning to. I tried it once with Madelyn and didn’t do anything for me but give me a bit of a headache so wasn’t planning on using it again anyways but just thought that was weird.

Other then that things have been going well. My health is pretty good and pretty stable.

There is not really much to say this week. Everything is just stable and now its just a waiting game.  i’m starting to feel more pressure so baby is moving . She will push her legs and feet into my organs and arch her back so my belly pushes out and stretches to one side. She is so strong and active. I can be doing something and she will start moving and stretching out so much that it stretches and moves my whole belly. It looks like shes trying to break out and rather alien. Other people can see it to and I get comments on it. Its getting to the point where its uncomfortable .  she is way more active and stronger then i remember Madelyn being.  I actually asked my midwife if she should be slowing down soon but i guess she could continue to be this active the hole time.  Makes me wonder what she will be like when she gets here. I try to keep track of movements and patters because they say when she is most active now is when she will mostly likely be awake after but their is really no pattern. she is very active! specially after dinner in the evenings, when i have a bath and sometimes after breakfast. So really i have no idea what her sleeping habits will be like other then the crazy normal newborns.  I am scared of labour and the pain and giving birth but im even more scared of being so exhausted and having an newborn and a toddler and still making sure my toddlers needs are met, that i dont loose my patience with her and give her what she needs to be happy and adjust.

Here is what babycenter.ca has to say about week 36

Your baby is still gaining weight — about an ounce/ 28 grams a day. She weighs nearly 6 pounds/ 2.7 kilograms and is 19 inches/ 45 centimetres long from head to toe.

You may begin to feel an increased pressure in your lower abdomen and notice that your baby is gradually dropping. This is called lightening or engagement, and your lungs and stomach will finally get a chance to stretch out a little — breathing and eating should become easier. However, walking may become increasingly uncomfortable — some women say it feels as if the baby is going to fall out. Also, you may still feel as if you need to go to the loo all the time. Stock up on those last minute nutrients with oureating well guide.

thats all for this week!

This July we have so much to celebrate. Our growing family, my pregnancy, our babies, our family and Cole and I are celebrating 14 years together next week. So to honor this special time in our life we had some family / anniversary/ maternity photos taken with our friend Jo of captured by Jo photography.

I had planned to spoil myself with a trip to the salon before the photos to have my hair professionally styled for the photos. However the experiance at the salon was terrible. The stylist ruined my hair. I was so upset. I rushed home to attempt to fix my hair myself and was nearly late for the photos.  I had to shower and re do my hair and ended up going with my own natural curls which I have a love hate relationship with. I felt unpretty bloated and puffy. and huge!  Our friend Jo did a great job though and there are so many photos  I am very happy with. Its hard not to be my own worst critic and its hard for me to see past the puffiness and the roundness in my face and smile.  But I am so glad to have these memories to look back on and they are some of my most favorite photos ever.  I cant wait to look back on them in the years to come with both of our daughters.

Here are a few of my favorites.

I hope you enjoy them as much as we do. I love my family so much. They fill my soul and my heart so entirely. I count my blessings and thank god every day.

whoa! Where has the week gone. I forgot to post my weekly blog post on Saturday. I cant believe it is Wednesday already.

My phe levels have finally hit the target at 2.5 mg /dl while that’s great it also means no more phe tolerance increases unless they drop below 2 again. currently i am sitting at 1875mg phe which is roughly 37.5 grams of protein.  I have been having 3 packages of instant oatmeal for breakfast a day, chow mien or sandwiches for lunch and rice and veggies for dinner.  It is a lot of food though. Specially in summer.

On Friday we had our family/anniversary/maternity photos taken by our family friend Jo with captured by Jo photography. I love them and will be sharing a few of my favorites in a separate post later.

I was hoping to have gone to the island on the weekend to visit my family but i was having trouble with edema and swelling. My feet, hands, writs and legs all got really puffy. While my midwife assured me it was safe to travel and I trust her my doctor and my OB felt it was not a good decision. In the end i decided not to go as i was to uncomfortable.  Cole did however go to the cost on Monday for a few days. It is our first separation in over 7 years and i have been having a lot of anxiety. I will breathe better when he gets home later today.

we did take a nice little day trip to see coles parents last week in Clinton and stayed for dinner. I always find time at the ranch relaxing and rejuvenating.

I got my eyes tested last week to as I needed new glasses again.  Pregnancy always changes my prescription it seems. I had lazer eye surgery in 2012 and lived glasses free till madelyn, i needed up back in glasses when she was 8 months old.  I am back to wearing them full time. My lenses were so scratched though it was driving me batty. I was going to hold off to have them tested till after baby because sometimes when you finish nursing as your milk and hormones regulate your eye sight can change again. But that could be a year or more off for us so my optometrist told me to just get them checked now and then again in a year. I also got new frames.

I had enrolled madelyn in summer camp swim lessons mon/tues/wed for the next 2 weeks as a way to get us both in the water and was so excited to get back to the pool only to discover when i got there on Monday that i was not aloud to swim laps while she was in lessons anymore as they are short on life guards. I was so disappointing. Its torture to sit at the side of the pool while shes in the water.  The water feels so good specially when my feet are puffy and swollen as they have been.  My midwife says the swelling is probably from the altitude and pressure changes we have been having as we have had some crazy weather here this July.  I am grateful though as we havent had any terrible tragic forest fires or hazy smoky skies that we have seen the past 2 years. Its been damp and cool and lots of rain. With thunder and lightening storms here and there.  It has made it a bit hard to get out or be active though. Im feeling sluggish and tired so my motivation is low.

We had our 35 week midwife appt yesterday and went over a few things. Baby is doing well. Still very active. big strong movements that make my whole belly move. I am being tested for b12 deficiency and other then that things are moving along. Our next midwife appt will be a home visit since we are trying for a home birth.

I have been going to chiropractic 2 times a week and massage once a week to help manage the pain in my low back , hips and sacrum. It makes me anxious thinking about how sore i get and how much worse it will be during labour so trying to work on it now.

i picked up some raspberry tea leaf tea to start drinking in preparation for birth. I think it really helped my delivery and healing with Madelyn so i am hopeful it will again.

The nursery is nearly complete and the dresser should arrive today so im exited to put away her clothes and set up the finishing touches in the room.

hard to believe that baby could be here in the next few weeks. I am starting to daydream about what she will look like, what she will feel like and smell like. Newborns have such a scent around them , it helps mothers bond and hormones regulate and help to navigate breastfeeding.  I am looking forward to exploring her and learning her and touching her little feet and hands. Life is going to change so much. I am excited to see Madelyn finally meet her sister to. I am terrified and excited.  I still cant believe this is happening again. What a blessing it has been to experience this not once but twice.

Here is what babycenter,ca has to say about week 35

#35weekspregnant #babynumber2
#girlmama #5weeksleft #giveortake

Your baby now weighs about 5.25 pounds/ 2.4 kilograms and measures approximately 18 inches/ 45 centimetres from head to toe. Her elbow, foot or head may protrude from your stomach when he stretches and squirms about. Soon, as the wall of your uterus and your abdomen stretch thinner and let in more light, your baby will begin to develop daily activity cycles.

we are off to swim lessons so check back later for our family photos :)

I was admitted to the hospital Wednesday night between 1030 and 11 pm due to horrific pain and pressure in my low back , tail bone, hips and down into my legs. With cramping and tightness at the bottom of my belly. The pain was truly terrible in my back and hips and I could not sit or move with out causing pain. One minute I am sitting on the couch at home the next i’m on all 4s in the bedroom against the bed crying and trouble breathing through the pain.

We called my midwife who told us to head up to the hospital so we bundled Madelyn up and went in . The pain came on very suddenly and intense in a matter of an hour. When we got their we did a non stress test but no contractions where registering when I was experiencing the cramping and pain. So that meant that it was not uterine contractions and it was not braxton hicks either. something else was going in. 

The top of my belly was soft but not the bottom. I was checked and tested for pre term labor but the test was going to take hours to come back so they admitted me and cole and madelyn went home. it was nearly 1130 pm when they left and way past madelyns bed time so she was getting pretty tired but she did so well. I was so proud of her. When we told her we had to go to the hospital she asked if baby was coming and we said we hope not yet. She rubbed my back and told me ” good job mama ” when we where at the hospital she carried a cup of water and ice chips and kept handing me ice chips melted in her little hands. Soon she started to ask to go home, and when she learnt i had to stay back she cried and that made me cry to. It was hard to say good bye to them. I hate being in the hospital even when the nurses are always great. 

My midwife had examined me and my cervix was closed still  so that was a good sign that baby would not be coming that night. The test for pre term labor came back around 1 am Thursday morning. It is a indicator if pre term labor up to 2 weeks and it was negative so   i was finally given morphine for pain. It did not go away completely but it dulled it enough it was like turning down the volume. By 3 am the pain was coming back. By 5 am i was shaking and puking and felt really weak and like i was going to black out. I am assuming from having morphine and gravol on an empty stomach. I had yet to get any sleep and was drifting in and out. So many sound and monitors and activity. 

At this point another mama was in labor and about to give birth she was a real screamer poor mama.

By 8 am i still hadn’t eaten as the hospital did not feel comfortable due to not understanding my PKU despite my understanding and my high phe tolerance so i had to wait for cole to bring me my food and formula. They did bring me a slice of toast and jam , some apple juice and 2 crackers. I didn’t feel much like eating any ways but the apple juice was a big help. 

We went to the hospital with totally nothing but phones purse and chargers. completely unprepared since im only 33 weeks. I dont have a hospital bag packed because im still hoping to stay home. However after this I think it will be a good idea to have one just in case.  I was not expecting to have to go in this early. Oddly enough I think i was admitted to the same room at about this pregnant with Madelyn when i had norwalk. I was in for 5 days that time. 

Cole and Madelyn finally got up to me around 1030 am . After I was able to eat i was examined again and the nurse discovered baby was head down and engaged , she had dropped right down into my pelvis so that explains the pressure . We are assuming all the pain was from her moving down and aggravating my injuries from the car accident. Thankfully no risk of pre term labor and free to go home and let baby keep baking. Its was a long few days and i had not slept in over 24 hours . I need to take it easier and rest and manage my stress. That pain was so terrible it really freaked me out to go through birth again! But we are all ok and happy to be home and have such a great team.  I ended up going to bed around 730 pm Thursday night and only woke up 2 times. Next thing I knew it was 630 am on Friday! I really needed that sleep. 

I have some nasty left over side effects from the morphine at the hospital so it was nice that my midwife came out to our house yesterday to check in. I  missed both my Chiropractic and my  massage appointments while I was in the hospital. Luckily i have them booked every week.

This week I have a teleconference scheduled with my PKU Clinic in Vancouver so i’m happy to not have to travel down this uncomfortable. This will be my third trimester check in and my last for this baby.

My latest phe level came back from July 1st was 1.87 and tyrosine was 53 so my tolerance was increased again to 1875 mg phe .

I have been enjoying brown sugar oatmeal for breakfast, dayia grilled cheese, tomato and avocado sandwiches for lunch and rice and veggies for dinner.  my ferrtin levels have come back super low again at only 10 so i’ve been adding some orange juice and liquid iron into my day but having trouble remembering to drink it cause i try to wait a few hours between formula. Ideally I should add it in around 3 pm between lunch and dinner so it does not interfere with my formula but i tend to forget.

We have made some real progress on the nursery this week. Cole moved his office downstairs and painted the nursery both coats of a lovely pastel pink. The trim is done now and he got new closet doors. I have washed all the blankets, hats, burp clothes, face bath clothes, socks, and bibs we have and put them away in the closet. I bought some newborn diapers, and diapering supplies. I dug out Madelyn back pack diaper bag and packed that. I found my baby wearing gear and carriers to so put those away in her closet. I still have to sterilize my breast pump since i bought it second hand. We ordered a dresser from amazon and it has not shipped yet so i have not been able to go through clothing or put any of them away. We are trying to put the crib together but we are missing a piece. We have the shelves to put up, a toy hammock to hang, picture to hang and the wall decals to add. Its coming together lovely though.  I still feel like there is so much to do its a bit overwhelming. I thought we had all this newborn clothing to but it turns out we dont. I dont have any baby towels either.  I cant wait for the nursery to be done so i can breathe better. I really need to take it easier, rest more and manage my stress.

I am feeling really big and really uncomfortable. Pretty much done with being pregnant but terrified of labor and birth and having a new born with a toddler but also anxious to be done to meet her , start our life and healing! Find our new normal and see what this next chapter in life has in store for us.

Here is what baby center.ca has to say about week 34 :

Your baby now weighs more than 4.7 pounds / 2.2 kilograms and is 18 inches / over 45 centimeters from top to toe. She’s filling out and getting rounder — she’ll need her fat layers later to regulate her body temperature.

If you don’t already talk to your baby, this is a good time to start — at 35 weeks her hearing’s fully developed. Don’t feel ridiculous if you’re already chatting in baby talk. Some evidence shows that newborns pay closer attention to high-pitched tones.

Thanks for reading. If you made it this far please leave a comment so I know . Its nice to interact with my readers and im always happen to answer any questions.

Dont forget to check back next week.

It’s been a difficult week.

To say I’ve been struggling a lot this week is an understatement . My blood pressure is so low and my heart rate keeps spiking. It makes me feel so sick and fuzzy. My head feels weird I have headaches . I feel dizzy. I feel nauseated. If I move to fast , get up or sit down , lie down or roll over I get dizzy and black spots and super nauseated. I’m so over this. It makes me feel sick all day and hard to breathe. I’ll be walking or doing something and all of a sudden I’ll feel sick and woozy and find it hard to catch my breath and I’ll look at my watch and my heart rate will be high. Just walking around Walmart on friday it was 135. My blood pressure at last check was 90/ 60. Yesterday it was jumping from my resting heart rate of 69-72 to 150! 

It is not a good feeling. It leaves me feeling weak and tired and I need to lay down and do some deep breathing to get it to come down.  It was hard to be motivated this week to get much done so I feel like I am scrambling now. 

Cole was sick for 5 days. and it rained a lot this week so that didn’t help with the motivation and fatigue.

On a good note, It was my birthday on Wednesday.  I even got to have Chinese food for my birthday so that was pretty special. I had bought myself a cupcake but cole forgot it in the truck and it melted.   Cole, Madelyn and I went to the mall on my birthday and he bought me a new phone, and we had some Davids ice tea, then I went for a massage and ran some errands. Came home for a quick lunch and to pick up the day care kids. They all got picked up early so we could go for dinner.  Cole was sick but we still managed to go. We went to Oriental Gardens down town and it had Chinese food, Japanese food and sushi! I had mushroom chow mein. That very well be a once in a life time opportunity for me to say I had Chinese food in a real Chinese food restaurant on my birthday! They even brought me out some pound cake with raspberry puree and ice cream. However since I already had chow mein I did not want to push my luck so we split it between the 3 of us.  After dinner we walked around down town and visited the library. We came home and picked up our dog and went for  family walk to the river. It was low key but very nice. 

My daycare is officially closed.  The last kids left Thursday at 430 pm . I’m now on leave till January.  It was bittersweet. I will miss our daycare family. We had a great crew. To say there was lots of tears and hugs is an understatement. 

This baby is really growing! She feels so much longer and heavier to me than i remember Madelyn ever being. I can feel her everywhere. She feels long cause I can feel her legs up near my chest but her head and shoulders low ! Her back sits around my belly button. I can feel her push against me and push her back into my belly . My whole belly will move and stick out to that side when she does that and I feel her hard little bum with my hand. She is moving a lot and we can watch her from the outside to. Sometimes its pretty uncomfortable.

she feels like shes taking up a lot of space in there and she certainly is using up all my protein way faster! She is making good use of all my extra protein. The ultrasound tech said she was already over 4 lbs and since babies grow half a pound a week in the last 8 weeks she very well may be 8 lbs or over. Madelyn was 6 so that is kinda terrifying since Im aiming to try an un- medicated home birth. 

My latest phe level was again 1.4 mg/dl so I have just been bumped up to 1800 mg phe ( 36 grams protein!!!) The highest I got with Madelyn was 2000 mg ( 40 grams protein) and I still have 7 weeks to go! Who knows what I will get to this time. Im finding food to be getting really challenging with being able to tolerate so much more protein and trying not to add to many new foods. All the foods im currently eating i keep increasing portions to reach protein but its becoming a lot of food and im having trouble eating it all . I feel so full and need to find some new meal ideas. Specialy since my calorie intake has been climbing with the bigger portions. 

A part of me has the mentality that “last baby, last time to try new things” I have even made a list. 

Things I want to try and eat with my new #PHE tolerance before this baby is born include:

A Cinnamon bun

A Oreo blizzard from Dairy Queen

A regular orange Julius smoothie

A regular bread sandwich 

An ice cream Sunday

Berry Crepes 

A Strudel 

Muffins

Brown bread. 

oatmeal cookies 

English muffins

A wrap of some sort. 

Then a few things I normally eat when not tracking my diet but would normally harm me . So since they wont i’m dying to get out for some sushi. Just my regular vegetable, or yam and avocado rolls and some veggie tempura.  

Some different soups. 

The higher phe Dayia cheese on a regular”white” bread grilled cheese sandwich. 

Today cole is working on moving all his office stuff down to the basement. I am washing all my home birth list stuff and putting it together in a rubber maid bin so it can be easily accessible. Will also be packing a hospital bag just in case and the diaper bag. I still need to sort through all the baby clothes and wash her bedding and blankets to. One thing at a time!

Check back next week for the next update. Thanks for following me on this journey.