How many first, second, third + chances can one person have? Is there a limit? No!

Here I am again sitting before this screen writing my confession. A scene that seems all to familiar and equal parts shame.   The same struggle, the same bad habits, the same failure.

High levels.  High PHE levels. My current level is 14.5 . I am feeling it. You yourselves can probably tell just by reading my words. I find I am more repetitive trying to describe my point.  Or I drag on and on about the same thing. Rambling. Which is pretty much the previous sentence in different words.

Why was this so much easier when I was pregnant? When I was pregnant my levels where the best they have ever been. I was able to maintain them to.  By the end of the 10 months ( yes pregnancy is actually 10 months not 9 ) It was second nature and I went into the post partum period with confidence about maintaining my awesome control well into the future.

But one bad choice lead to old habits and a downward slope. One lazy over tired un planned bad meal choice lead to another and then the slope got steeper.

In fact I know I have already written a post about struggling to stay off track after Madelyn was born.

Things were suppose to be so much better PKU wise . My Madelyn providing the motivation to keep on the wagon. To lead by example in a healthier life style.

We have low protein food coverage now, and I have always drank my formula. So why is this so hard?

The high levels are clouding my ability to problem solve about how to start to get back on track. It seems daunting. Not to mention how hungry I am!

Then there are the physical symptoms. The headaches. Oh god the headaches. They really do put a damper on your mood. I have been much to lazy to long.  Quick and easy meals.

Larger and larger portions. To much white minute rice. To much mashed potatoes. Not enough fruit and vegetables. No Salads what so ever. Stuck in old patterns of eating the same thing day after day.   Sick of boring foods but to lazy or tired to meal prep and plan a head. Or lack of time. Its amazing how fast your day goes by between feedings and nap time and play time. I can only imagine how it will change as she grows even more. Or when she starts to crawl! Then I will really be in for it.

Now that she is starting to eat solid foods it is even more important that I learn to branch out and in coles words ” not be a lazy cook” dare to experiment.

I have always been so scared to experiment , being such a picky eater , i was worried if I didn’t like it , it would be wasted and we all know how precious and expensive food is. Specially low protein food.

I need to re focus going forward and make my first goal to get these levels down ASAP. I cant even begin to describe how it feels to see and feel levels this high after having levels under 3 for 10 months. I knew they where high based on how I am feeling ,but seeing it.. well thats the real shock to the system. Seeing it in the email from the dietitian made it right there in my face. I could not hide from it, deny it , or ignore it. There was that big bold number staring out at me. Calling to me and reminding me of my failure to stick to my goals and to do right by Madelyn. She deserves me to be at my very best so I can give her the best possible care and healthy life too.

After I get them down, and while getting them down, I need to find new ways to cook and prepare meals. To make things more exciting. To put my time management skills to the test and plan things out. Take the time to try new things.  One of my biggest challenges will be healthy pasta recipes since it will be my biggest staple for dinners and I am bored of the 3 ways I always cook it.  Also new ways to eat vegetables and incorporate  them and fruit into my day to day.  Other then just eating them raw  with dip.

So this is where I am again. This is the challenge ahead of me , with yet another chance to get it right.

As I always say ” one meal at a time, one day at a time” and ” every day is a fresh start and a new chance to do better than yesterday” words I need to learn to live by and not just speak.

Day 1 :

Breakfast:

Bettermilk

Low protein cambrooke omelette

Lunch :

bettermilk

Raw Vegtable platter

 

Dinner :

Bettemilk

Roasted veggies and Aprotein Penne Pasta.