As the Holidays come to a close, and the new year approaches we yet again begin to reflect on the ups and downs of 2013 and what we want to change for 2014. Making new years resolutions that if we are lucky will last about 3 months before we forget . January brings a time of hope, new beginning, fresh starts, and the busiest  time of year for the gyms.

Every year most of us promise our selves we will finally loose that weight, we will be healthy, change our life styles and get into shape. If only it was that easy.

I almost don’t want to make a new years resolution this year, as I have never achieved one yet. Than I decided that maybe its the physiological aspect that’s really holding us back from achieving our resolution, or maybe its the fact that I always make the same one every year.

So this year I am going to try something different. I have been reflecting the last month or so on what changes I want to make for 2014 and have decided to start right at the beginning with changing my resolution.

This year my new years resolution, is to be better with money. I want to save money, and be smarter with my spending. I want to stay out of my over draft, and my credit card debut and I plan to do this by setting myself a budget and paying off my debut right in January.  I would like to put money away for a few different things so since I have a credit union I have opened up a few different savings accounts and labelled them for the goals I hope to achieve.

I have various accounts for : Travel, House Renovations ( kitchen and bathroom) , Future wedding, Having a baby, slush fund/ emergency fund, my LPN annual fees and also a Christmas account. Every year I go in to debut at Christmas, because I do not save all year round for it even though it always comes. This year id like to put the money away a head of time. so when the holidays come around again , I don’t put myself into debut.

So this is my new years plan, but along with my resolution , I am setting goals for myself. I am not calling them new years resolutions, I am writing them down as things I want to achieve , a big goal at the end and then little goals along the way to measure my progress.

So of course my number 1 over all goal is of course yet again weight loss. I need to loose about 50 lbs. I am very over weight. Obese type 1 I am told. This is very depressing for me. I have struggled all my life with my weight and i’m sick and tired of it. It effects every aspect of my life. My lack of self esteem and my confidence. my own body image and self worth. I am letting it torment me and control me. It effects my daily life, my relationship and my soul. I hate looking in the mirrors, I have no clothes that fit nicely, I see faults every where, to the rolls in my tummy, the flab in my arms and back and even my legs. or my new double chin. Its wearing me out emotionally and physically and its keeping me held down. Its a constant battle I fight with my self, but yet I do nothing about it. I have gotten lazy and make excuses all the time. I am no where near as active as I want to be. I cannot keep up with Cole , our my friends. I let it hold me back from trying new things or even just going out. I don’t feel normal or pretty, I feel frumpy. I am most comfortable in a t-shirt and yoga pants because jeans make me feel fat, I have gone up 3 pant sizes since the summer.

For me loosing weight is so discouraging. The more low protein I eat the more weight I gain. When my levels are really low and I’m doing so well with my PKU , for example when I was keeping my levels consistently under 5, I gained 10 lbs. Then I stopped eating low protein food for a few months, tried to eat more regular food, my levels went up to 9.8 and I lost 4 lbs. I cant seem to win.  Its a roller coaster ride and I am sick of the up and down. falling off track , hitting rock bottom and pulling my way out again and making that slow steady climb back up. I am tired of feeling like I have to choose between my levels and weight.

So it is my goal to quit making excuses, to finally start looking after my body and making a real effort this year. I am making it not just about loosing weight, I am making it about the hole. Making my body healthy. Taking the year to focus on my levels, my weight, my chronic pain, my anxiety and depression. In stages, with steps along the way. Slowly starting one thing at a time and increasing and combing them together. My ultimate goal is to get my body ready and healthy so that I can finally have a baby . With the new food subsidy starting tomorrow that will take the stress off being financially able to maintain my levels and give me more time to focus on learning to retrain my mind and my body. To focus on portion sizes and the different food groups. For meal planning and preparation. Than to work on a activity schedule as I am not calling it a work out schedule, that never helps. I want to try new activities and new sports  , new things, not just going to a gym. I want to me more active.  Then I eventually want to come off almost all my medications. at least my pain medications and supplements. I do not want to mess around with my anti depressants at the moment but eventually them too. I want to keep my levels under 5 so that when Cole and I decide we want to have a baby I will have already been successful with the pre conception diet and will have my body adjusted so it will be easier to have a successful pregnancy with low levels.

I know it sounds like a lot, but im head I am breaking it down into categories and prioritizing each one with steps and goals to help monitor my progress but also to help me see results and not get discouraged. I am feeling optimistic and think but changing the way I think and the way I set my goals and resolutions that this year will be more successful and I am looking forward to the future of 2014 with happiness.

I want to take this time in closing to wish you all , my friends, my family, my PKU friends, followers and fans , a Very happy 2014 full of peace, love , joy health and happiness!

Happy New Year ,

From Cole, Figaro ( our cat) and I !